Video Tutorial: 18 min.
Rating: 5.5
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Task Achievement: 6 Coherence & Cohesion: 6 Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5 Lexical Resources: 6 |
Points Discussed:
- The essay's introduction lacks clarity, including incorrect use of pronouns and article omission;
- The essay needs a clear :thesis statement that shows the writer's stance on the topic;
- The usage of "on the one hand" and "on the other;'
- The use of separate sentences for closely related ideas makes the writing disjointed;
- Usage of the words "feat" and "overshadow;"
- Avoid redundancy;
- Sentence construction is primarily in :equal clauses, showing lower to intermediate fluency. The essay would benefit from more :complex sentences;
- The essay's conclusion lacks a clear stance and offers a cliched statement about upsides and downsides, which detracts from the argument;
- The importance of developing an opinion;
- When discussing both sides of an argument, use :dependent clauses to introduce counter-arguments and :independent clauses to express your opinion.
Student Response:
| The current economy has not been kind to the current workers, where it is projected that most people of this generation won't be able to purchase their own house. This has caused most people to prefer renting a place to live rather than buying themselves a home. This essay will analyze both the advantages and disadvantages of renting a home. Following this, a conclusion will be made. On the one hand, renting a home enables flexibility of moving for the tenant. This is especially useful for international workers who have yet to determine if they want to live in a foreign country permanently or those who travel a lot during work. This flexibility also allows them to worry less about job locations as they can simply find another place to rent if it is unfeasible with their current location, a feat that would not be possible if one has committed to purchasing a home. Therefore, it is clear that the flexibility of moving is an advantageous feat of renting a home. However, the cost of renting overshadows the cost of buying a property. It is estimated that over the span of decades, the accumulated cost of renting rivals the cost of purchasing a home. For example, a worker who has rented the same house for 40 years could have just bought it instead. Thus, the contrast between owning a property and not having one at all while having spent the same amount of money is a striking disadvantage of renting a home. As both advantages and disadvantages of renting have been painted, it is clear that renting a home has its upsides as well as its fair share of downsides. There is no doubt that renting is here to stay; however, it is also wise to be open to other options such as purchasing when the circumstances align as it is a viable investment. |