Video Duration: 17 min.
Native Country of Student: Turkey
Rating: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.5 Coherence & Cohesion: 6 Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7 Lexical Resources: 7 |
🧑🏫 About the Lesson
In this lesson, William reviews and rates an essay that was written by a Turkish student in response to the following IELTS Writing Task 2 prompt:
Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments.
Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?
By the end of this lesson you'll be able to:
- Identify the textual level of meaning;
- Distribute information effectively;
- Correct :run-on sentences;
- Understand the Task Achievement portion of the IELTS rubric;
- Use reference to create textual :cohesion.
📝 Student Response
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Here's the original response, rated at Band 6.5
| Experimenting on animals is a controversial practice employed by various companies. There are many conflicting opinions on this topic, some argue that all forms of experimentation on animals should be outlawed while others argue that it is important for innovation. I believe that experimenting on animals is necessary but that further reforms should be put in place to improve the conditions the animals live under. Companies use a wide array of chemicals in their products today. For example, in the makeup industry, companies employ the use of harsh chemicals in the manufacturing process. These corporations first test these chemicals on animals before including them in the product. Without this extensive testing, unsuspecting customers can be harmed when using makeup products as a consequence of harsh chemicals being included. I believe this implementation of animal testing is necessary for the safety of consumers who use these products on a daily basis. On the other hand, animal rights activists are calling for the ban of all forms of experimentation on animals. They cite moral and ethical concerns such as the horrific conditions that these animals are under and the lack of care that is given. I do also agree with these ethical concerns. The governments of these countries must implement rules and regulations that ensure that animals are kept in suitable conditions. To conclude, experimenting on animals is a very nuanced topic with many points of view. I believe that it should not be outlawed as it ensures that the products we use are safe. However, governments must implement regulations so that these animals live in better and more humane conditions. |