Feedback: IELTS Writing Task 1 - Maps (River Stoke) 🇸🇦

William Fitzpatrick -

Video Duration: 16 min.

Native Country of Student: Saudi Arabia

Rating: 6.5

Task Achievement: 7
Coherence & Cohesion: 6.5
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
Lexical Resources: 7

Points Discussed:

  • Summarizing the changes in the introductory paragraph;
  • Overuse of :linking verbs is characteristic of intermediate writing; to improve, use a variety of action, reporting, and linking :verbs;
  • There are many synonyms for linking verbs, so instead of 'to be' try to use the more specific linking verbs when appropriate;
  • Use the :passive voice when the actor isn't important to the narrative - e.g., "a farm was replaced by a housing area" without specifying who replaced it;
  • Usage of active and passive voice;
  • Use the passive voice when we don't want/need to specify the actor, as in the case of describing the changes to the town.
  • Use the :active voice in cases where it could give a literary effect - e.g., "housing developments replaced the old farmland," despite the fact that people build the housing developments, not the housing developments themselves.

Student Response:

This map shows the changes that happened in a town from 1986 until now. The town is next to the Stoke River. A main avenue starts at a bridge in the north and goes south, running alongside the river. The changes on the map represent a shift from a society based on agriculture to one focused on housing.

On the main avenue, new roads were built that go off in different directions, creating neighborhoods and increasing the number of houses by a lot. The shops on the west side were demolished, but the post office is still there. On the east side, the primary school got bigger, and one of the housing areas in the north of the school replaced a farm. Another farm in the southwest also stopped working. Instead, they built a group of buildings and houses next to the avenue.

In the southeast part of town, there used to be a garden, but now they made a road that connects it to the buildings and turned it into a retirement home.

Prompt:

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and 2010.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

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